Facebook and the Emotional Roller Coaster of Social Networking

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I've been on Facebook for about three years now. When you first sign up there's a small learning curve but, you quickly learn to navigate and begin searching for friends. Maybe you got invited on to Facebook by someone. So, that's a nice start. Before long the true range of the Facebook experience begins to emerge.

The friend requests from all sorts of people from your past begin to arrive. Some of these people you remember dearly and are thrilled to be in touch with again. Some of them are people you hoped had disappeared forever. Old flames find you. People you were once friends with who married your old flames find you. It's a roller coaster of emotions and blasts from the past that blow your mind.

Sometimes you find an old friend that you lost touch with long ago. You're so excited that this person is part of your life again. Then you come to realize that they've moved on and there's not really a space for you in their life anymore. You stay friends with them on Facebook but, as much as you're happy to know how to reach them you feel  a little sad at what seems to have been lost.

Recently, an old flame of mine sent a friend request. I hadn't thought about him in a very long time. I didn't remember us parting on particularly good or bad terms and I thought it was kind of nice to hear from him. His opening message was friendly with a hint of "I'm still into you". I (foolishly) decided to dismiss the more than friendly aspect and accepted his request with a nice note back consisting of the standard fare... great to hear from you, how have you been, what have you been up to?

He responded back with a lengthy and detailed account of his life over the past 20 years. He described every relationship, every career move and every health issue he's had in that time. It's interesting how much you can learn about a person by which events they focus on over a 20 year span. It was not a pretty picture. The present day man was not exactly an eligible bachelor having no car, no job, living with his mother, over-weight, in therapy and on psych meds.

I'm all for honesty but this was a bit much for a getting re-acquainted email. All I could think when I finished reading his autobiographical novella was, how the hell did I attract this?! The other thing I was thinking is, "are we in some kind of rush?". I mean, what was the big hurry with getting every last gory detail out on the table? Although, I probably should be gratful at the time this will save me.

While many people probably would have chosen not to reply at all, I did write back to him. My intention was to slow this train down a bit and create a conversation. Isn't that what relationships are based on? Communicating with each other interactively? My reply was a high level view outlining the general areas of my life, briefly touching on a few highlights and ending with an invitation to ask me about whatever was of interest.

Well, I managed not just to slow the train but, bring it to a screeching halt! I saw something he posted on facebook the evening after I sent my reply. It was a "like" for "Only fall for someone who is willing to catch you". Can you say "drama!"? I have yet to receive a direct reply from him. I guess he wasn't particularly interested in finding out any more about me. Not really a surprise based on the outrageous level of self-centeredness he had displayed up to that point.

Is it me or is this guy emotionally stunted? He asked me to reply in kind to his over the top account of life since we last met and I chose not to. He said "jump" and I said "no". Funny how he was so in love with the idea of being in love but not the reality of another person who would have their own mind.

At the same time and old friend who I was a little worried would not accept my friend request, did. No note, no fanfare, just "accept". When I got that notice it made me realize what was really important. It doesn't matter if my old flame never writes, unfriends me, whatever. No one person defines me other than me.

That is the emotional roller coaster that is Facebook. Love it or hate it, it is the way of the future. I think that despite some of the stuff that's been hard to hear, people who've contacted me who I'd rather forget and memories that were awakened, it's been a place that has given me much more than I ever would have imagined.

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